Coping and Grief

Making the Emotional Connection Between Loss and Grief

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4

Those who suffer loss also suffer grief. Although most people can intellectually understand that grief accompanies physical loss (like the loss of a spouse, parent, child, or friend), few people readily understand the connection between emotional loss and grief.

Every parent brings a child into this world (naturally, or by adoption or some other mitigating circumstance) with dreams, hopes, and expectations. “My son will grow up to play professional sports or be an accomplished musician.” “My daughter will become a doctor; do this, or do that.” “Joey will certainly go to college because that’s what our family does: go to school and on to a successful career.”

We look forward to the many victories and experiences of raising our children. We want them to be assets to society and care more about others than they do themselves. We want them to succeed, to be of sound mind and body. We want to be proud of them. But then, something happens – either at birth or somewhere along the journey. Our child is different and unlike other kids. And, at some point, we must come to grips with the fact that some, many, or all of our dreams for our kids – and us – may or may not come true. We are faced with a loss. And with that loss comes grief because of the dreams that have been taken away from us.

Grieving is a natural process; suppressing or denying the grief is not and renders a person incapable of dealing with the losses associated with hopes and dreams that are taken away. Grief deniers and suppressors will never understand the weaknesses and emotional challenges of their kids, never seek to become what God wants them to become as a parent, and will never muster the capacity or desire to help another parent in need of a friend who can relate – even in some small way.